So you want to buy a Samoyed.....

(Dad thought he would like to add a bit to my pages)

Things you should know about a Samoyed (Sammy-yed) before you part with your money.

1. Some Sammys can be noisy
If you already own a Sammy then this might come as a bit of a shock as we all know them to be (in the main) our silent partner. We have never known them to raise voice at the 'knock of a door' at a 'misplaced toy thing' or for generally no good reason. This is considered as barbarous dissonance by most, if not all owners.

It has recently come to light that through uncensored breeding that there might be a couple of barkers slipping into the proverbial Samoyed gene-pool. 

For those of you not aware of this sound it is of which I am sure there are many, It has a resonance something like a gentle 'BOOOORRRK', a distained 'AAAARRRRROOOOHHHHH' or a silent 'BLEC-BLEC-BARKETY-BORK, BORK, BORK, OOF.

You will be unfamiliar with these sounds, so I will endeavor to show you through the means of photography how these, almost silent forms of communication can been seen.

left: As you can see here, a slightly opened jaw precedes a light an airy BORK. From this height above sea level would never really travel further than a couple of miles and likely unheard by many save for those with the keenest hearing or with amplifying machinery such as a hearing aid.

Right: Here is an attempt to capture the silent AAAARRROOOOHHHH, 

You might just be able to make out a slight lifting of the head - if you can't, don't worry because its normally accompanied by a raised foot which you can quite easily see in this image.

This sound will only travel two or three hundred yards and probably only twice that distance at night, thus easily making it difficult to hear over the normal daytime noise

Left: This open mouthed expression is often confused with a yawn and you could miss the gentle

BLEC-BLEC-BARKETY-BARK, BARK, BARK, OOF.

The lips have a slight curl with the mouth just slightly ajar as shown here in this rare and unique image .

This is slightly unusual, insofar that not many have heard this and as such, remains unsubstantiated.

We understand that this sound may relate to the need to be elsewhere other than where they are.

2. Recall.

All sammys are of course obedient to the 'n'th degree and a Recall command is very rarely needed as part of a training programme.

As part of our studies, here at the Southborough Lighthouse we have transposed this unused term with one or two  that hold a far more convenient expression and meaningfulness such as,  'Search and discover', 'Search and destroy' and  I'll see you at home later then'

Here are two that are displaying beautifully the Search and Discover in favour of the redundant recall. Note how the poorly trained Labrador lacks the ability to transpose this rudimentary command anywhere near as quickly as our favorite breed and resorted to a 'follow' disposition.

Hopefully it should be some hours before these two are back by your side giving extra time to enjoy the blustery surroundings.

3. The language of Samoyeds

You can be forgiven for thinking that this intellectual beast has many facets to its language and that its diverse expressions and mannerisms hold all sorts of secrets and inter-dog codes.

We are only just beginning to discover that many expressions can be boiled down to portray one or more basic instincts.

We have found over a hundred expressions that mean no more than 'Feed Me'. The lifted eyebrow in conjunction with the 'Feed Me' expression converts this to one of urgency - as in 'Feed Me - NOW', or 'Give me that food that you are eating'

Right: Here is the articulate expression for 'Gimme one of them-there sweeties' the slight return of the right ear adds importance to the whole sentence. The direction of the eyes indicate the location of the food matter and the slight salivation also determines the urgency of the need

Wonderful animals

We cannot find any other tangible use for expression other than this primordial need for food.

4. Getting to terms with Snorp, Blep, Mlem, and Blem.

I know what you are thinking - fairly basic and entry level Samoyed - but is it?

                                                      

Left: So lets not get confused..

The simple 'Blep' is mastered by the Left hand animal

The simple 'Blem' is shown, but not fully mastered by the right hand animal and of course it never will be as he is not a full Samoyed

Right: This is the 'Part Mlem' which normally precedes the 'Full Mlem'

The dog with the mask clearly understands this term (although not a full Samoyed)








Left: The wonderful example of the 'Full Mlem'

Magnificently portrayed here in this Mlem moment that you may only catch once or maybe twice a year.










Right: And finally the 'Snorp', worn here by the part Samoyed. Rated 'Fairly Common' but not often caught on camera.












5. Shoobies

This is a term that has been shunned by the Samoyed community as a whole and recently caused uproar when it was suggested that a full name change should be adopted by the Samoyed Association to avoid confusion between the two completely different breeds.

Shoob (from the comedy Latin language meaning Samoyed) and Obies (once again from the comedy language called Latin - meaning Comedy) - Example shown on the left is a Shoobie food funnel

Right: Here of course is the full majesty of a Samoyed. (Note the lack of comedy)

So finally to recap
The following are examples of what you hope to have learned from the above, if you fully understand these, it will help when it comes to deciding whether to adopt or buy a samoyed in the future.

The Silent AAAARRROOOOHHHH    

The airy BOOORK

 The Part Mlem

Recall

Snorp

Anatomy
For clarity we have identified the important parts of a Samoyed's anatomy which may help with discussions with your Vet should any problems arise in these distinctive areas.

Importance

It is important to understand how your Samoyed will fit into the community..

We certainly hope you enjoy your new found friend as much as he/she will enjoy your samiches.

Jamie...
Tylor and Braes Dad

So you are getting a samoyed??

How to prepare yourself and your home for the arrival of a new puppy or rescue

List of things you need to buy, obtain or set aside :-

1. Quality camera/phone - nobody wants to see a rubbish picture of your pupper, so get this sorted early.
2. 2' stack of towels dedicated to your dog - It rains, in the winter it snows and rains, in the spring it rains and in the UK it rains in the summer. Regardless of this we Samoyeds need a poo, a  wee and exercise. Having completed the above, it is likely that we will be wet when we come home. One towel is not nearly enough under these circumstances as you will need one on the floor before we even get in the house. Once we have sat on this it becomes immediately redundant because of the high volume of water that we keep in our coats that generally migrates down to our sitting area in about 20 seconds. One to dry off our face and back, and one to dry your face and hair. You are going to need one further towel for us to lie on before you can blow us dry (oh! don't forget to buy the grooming blower). Sadly, because it was raining when you went for your morning walk - you will need an equal amount for our evening walk - this is particularly pertinent in the spring and autumn because the Central Heating wont be on and it is too wet outside to dry the first set.
3. A tumble dryer - how can you deal with the above without one of these.
4. A full set of waterproofs - preferably two cos it is horrible putting wet clothes back on.
5. Two pairs of stout boots - Yes you guessed it, this mornings boots are still wet on the inside.
6. Maybe another towel - these are so much fun to chew and rip whilst you are drying us.
7. A pair of river walking shoes - this is for the summer cos you will have to come into the river to gets us. You may as well enjoy it and have a stroll.
8. A utility/drying room - without carpet - see all the reasons above
9. 3 or 5 dedicated cupboards to our stuff - That may not be enough for the things that you buy us.
10. A dedicated freezer - Where else do you think you are going to store all the frozen meat that you have bought off the internet. Full grown we get through 750gms per day. That's nearly 5½ kilos a week - 20 odd kilos per month. Plus...... you'll need to get a couple of boxes of Natures Menu for when you forget to get our meat out of the freezer (this will also take up cupboard space.
11. Alternative medicines - yup, once you've been to the vets for worming tablets or Nexguard, frontline etc etc you will soon see the alternative medicines/medication as a huge money saver. Here are a few that we have. Diatomaceous Earth (google it) great for worming and treating fleas in your carpets (if you have any left). Tumeric - well the benefits are endless of course. Tub of Aniforte = seaweed and good stuff don't you know. An array of essential oils to mix up for your battle against Ticks in the summer, raw coconut fat and cider vinegar with mother.
12. A good hoover - preferably two. One for upstairs and one for down - sensible as you will fill each one up on each floor....plus you don't have to keep carrying the bloody thing up and down all the time - make sure its bag-less or you will never get the Diatomaceous Earth out.
13. Torches - Plural because the batteries always wear out and how are you going to pick up your dog poo if you cant see it.
14. Poo bags - speaks for itself really - you can never have enough, believe me when I say if you forget them, I will take three dumps in succession in the most inappropriate places at the most inopportune moment.
15. Clothes with pockets - yeah I know it sounds simple but go without pockets then you go without treats, poo bags and tissue (that's for you).
16. Tick tools - only pennies off the internet - really, really, really essential - and learn how to use them. If you have your grooming blower, you will always find them.
17. Grooming Blower - I know I've mentioned it twice already but if you don't put it on your list you will so regret it.
18. Treats - lots of them and cupboard space to store them in. Small ones are best as we get just as much satisfaction out of eating a hundred of these a day as we do the bigger ones - hang on... that's a lie. Small ones are best cos we can have more of them which makes us more obedient...
19. Leads - at least 3. One for the car for when you forget. One in your handbag. and the one that you are not supposed to forget. You will need a nice long one (get one from a horsey shop cos they are good and strong, cheaper than the pet store and gives us plenty of room to sniff). A close control one for when you take us to the town - yes... you will take us to the town or how else will we get the admiration for our good looks and socialise with the vast amount of humans that will not be able to keep their hands off us.
20. Shampoo - the White stuff. Once you have been to the groomers you will see value in dumping us in your own bath at least a couple of times per year (probably 10)
21. Those rubber mats you put in the bottom of the bath - yup, the fist time you bathes us you will be grateful and they improve the longevity of your polished finish.
22. Toothbrush and toothpaste - yes I know you think I am kidding........um.
23. Harness - no you wont stop at one. Fist there is the utility harness and the one that you don't mind us jumping in the rivers with. The cool deluxe model that you couldn't help but get but by god, it does look good. The novelty one and the one that lights up for Christmas.
24. Collars - just one, not the best thing for a young pupper that pulls - cos you will learn about the Thyroid and stuff.
25. Name tags - one for each collar, harness and neck chain. Preferably with your name, address and mobile number (if I gets lost, dads not gonna be at home looking for me is he).
26. If you buy us as a pupper then you are going to need all the puppy things - training pads nappies etc etc - this list will be endless.
27. Brushes - includes combs, rakes, big ones little ones, shedding ones and a bag to put all the hair in (like it will fit when we blow...pfft)
28. Lights - a simple light up collar - dad uses the rechargeable ones - normally 2 or 3 at a time cos he is a show off.
29. Life preserver - We don't all take to water like ducks and need a little help sometimes - My bruvver Brae will only go in past his waist with one of these on.
30. A computer - or tablet where you can off load and store the million pictures that you take per month...yeah we know there is the cloud... but can you trust it?...
31. A cork notice board and shelf - yes you will win trophies and rosettes form the local fete and even if it is 6th place in the waggiest ear contest you will be proud - even more so when your first trophy arrives so leave enough space. 
32. Food bowls and water bowls - two sets (one for the washing up machine and one for us)
33. Cooling gell mats - cos you likes to spoil us and...sometimes its just tooo bloody hot.

Things that are not immediately obvious

1. Go to the dentist - sort your smile out, you will be using it all the time.
2. A waterproof dog coat - This can save you 10 mins drying time in the morning - I know it makes us look daft so never post a picture on line.
3. Water-proof gloves - for you, Seal skins are good (not made of seal skin, just a name)
4. A garden - when we blow a coat you will see much benefit in this. We also has a fascination to dig. Brae has got several 'wallows' around the garden
5. Water bottles - those queezy ones are particularly good if we has a messy botty from stealing your dinner the night before - and some to drink out of. you will also need...
6. Backpack - not immediately obvious but iffin you is taking us out for the day then you will need somewhere for your flask, pack-a-mac, our water and your/our lunch (which is your lunch)
7. Doggy nail clippers - they grow quick, specially the dew claw. The others you can keep down with a moderate amount of pavement walking.
8. Paw soothing oinkment - ooooooh I luvs that stuff after a day on the craggy beaches.
9. Baby gates - you may not want us upstairs, don't worry, these will become redundant when you find that you do want us upstairs. But for the time being it will stop us eating your prize possession's, underwear etc
10. You might even consider a doggy crate - I hated it to begin with, then I loved it, then I hated it again
11. Raljex - spray on chair and table legs to stop me eating it.
12. Lavender oil - rub on skirtings' to keep me calm when you are not there - I miss you already.
13. Radio - yep always on and tuned in to my favorited show. [makes me think you are in when you scuttle off to the shops]
14. Deep pockets - nothing is too expensive for us.
15. lint rollers - more than one.
16. New wardrobe of Samoyed friendly clothes - throw out all those morbid black or dark coloured clothes. refresh your style with colour and ...........erm..........whiteness

Unfamiliar traits to previous non-Sammy parents.

1. Yes we fart - so do you so all is fair then.
2. Singing - just one thing to say .AROOOOOOO
3. Borking - we do not bark, we bork, sometimes continuously for hours - normally remedied with copious treats
4. Some of us do not respond well to firework night - don't do it
5. When we play, we often mouth - this is not to be confused with biting - Samoyeds do not bite hoomans - full stop.
6. We have lots of fluff - never remove it (never ever remove it and post pictures on tinternet)
7. We have lots of fluff - makes it difficult to feel our ribs - if you cant feel our ribs we is too fat.
8. There are foods that you should never feed us - learn these and save a trip to the vets.
9. Bones are good - only raw, non weight bearing bones - don't be scared of chicken bones we are quite happy to deal with them our own way...nom..nom..nom.
10. Heavy hand - you don't need a heavy hand you will only break your own heartsies. We always respond well to treats particularly sossages. Find some good out of the few bad things we may have learned and treat us for it.
11. Longevity - we has heard of our buddies living way beyond 17. It is still a very short amount of time on this earth and for this time we will fill your life with joy and love - do the same for us.
12. Sleeping - we can sleep on a line, on a lap, on a cold or hot floor, on your bed, on your cat for at least 16 hours a day.
13. Snoring - we snore, grunt, wimper and bark in our sleep - you will find this quite soothing.
14. Intruders - intruders are our frens too - we might bark to let you know they are there.... or not
15. Dirt - don't be too precious, we are dogs first, we luvs the dirt and dirty water, we luvs smelly streams and stagnant ponds they are like magmets to us. But like magic, it all brushes out and we come up smelling like .....er............................. there is a name for it, once you have owned us for a while, you will recognise the smell.
16. Whatever is yours - is mine, then its Brae's.
17. Hooman contact - you will luv us, your frens will luv us, strangers will luv us, your ex boyfren/gorlfren will luv us even if you don't luv them.
18. Food - your food left on the side in the kitchen is only a tung away - we are as clever as heck when it comes to food. Iffin you leaves treats in your coat pockets we are skilled enough to remove pocket and treats in a simple movement.
19. Clothes - your clothes make an excellent snack - panties and bra combinations together with socks are tasty, but can clog us stomach - tidy up behind yourselves - did your mum not teach you anything?

Preparing your/our house

1. Sorry, you can never prepare your house and there is no excuse for stupidity. Before you leave us in a room - check. Can we eats it, do you mind if we chews it or can we accidentally knock it over (even if it is six feet off the ground) - if the answer is yes to any of these then you only have yourself to blame and no amount of shouting will bring it back.
2. learn to be calm - Samoyed owners are the calmest, most forgiving people on the planet - we have taught you this.
3. We can remove a vinyl floor - do not let us share this space if left alone
4. If you are pulling your hair out with frustration - buy another Samoyed - this will calm down your existing pupper, cause you to receive twice the love and double up on items 1 through 33 above.
5. Get used to a smaller kitchen - you will need to step over us even if you kitchen is 7 metres by 7 metres.
6. We like to lay under the table while you are eating - get used to it
7. Samoyeds come in other colours than white - so you can buy a beige carpet after all.

This is just the essential list enjoy your new pupper or rescue.

Cupboard 1

Wall 1

Wall 2

Wall 3

Cupboard 2

My Freezer...mmmm

Cupboard 3

Spare food

Cupboard 4

Shelf

Tylor & Brae Softshadow xxx